Western Dragon Mom’ tributes to mothers…
The book by Amy Chua, “Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother” sparks so many reactions regarding Chinese parenting. I believe that we should not judge someone by their way of parenting. I think before making further comment one should read the book from front to end. Attempt to read it in the context that it was attempted for.
Thus said, I am a dragon mother, Chinese by every single fibers of my being yet westernized on some of my thoughts and principles. I am blessed that God has placed 7 mothers in my life that are completely different. From each I learned valuable lessons that shaped who I am as a mother today. I would called myself a “Western dragon mom”
First my paternal grandmother Marcia, who was a teacher and loves to read. I hardly ever saw her without any reading materials on her hands. Her love for literacy, and wisdom really inspired me. During her last years as her bright mind and wisdom dwindle to a dark place of dementia, she was still able to find comfort in her ability to read her favorite book, “The Bible” and “devotionals” I gave her “My utmost of His highest” that she held dear and remember every time she saw me.
Second, my maternal grandmother whom I called “Apo”. A strong woman by any means! She raised 9 children by herself after my grandfather died and the family lost all their fortune. She was strict and meant every word that she said. She chased me and my cousins with a big rattan racket that they use to beat mattress in Indonesia whenever we were naughty. She believed in spanking. I do to! I believe sometime a child need to be spank but don’t do it out of anger! (And on their bottom only!). Yet, I never resented her. I love her until the day she died as I know how much she loves us and how much she was willing to sacrifice not only to her children but also to all her grandchildren.
Third, my own mother who serve unconditionally! I had swimming lesson once a week when I was in the elementary. On those days, my classmates would bring lunch to school (we arrived at 7 am). My mom showed up at noon to hand me my fresh made lunch.. She was strict and loving! She was very protective because she does not want anything bad to happen to us. She was the best caretaker I have ever known!
Fourth, my mother in law, whom my husband is very close to! She is quite a negotiator! She knows how to get things done and how to get things moving. My husband said that all the kids went to her whenever they want anything from their father (sometime that still happen today). Her love and devotion to my father in law is also inspiring! They never go anywhere without each other.
Fifth, Gwen, my host mom. I was an exchange student for 1 year in their house. I learnt discipline from her. She taught me about chores and responsibilities. She taught me about how to clean the house and do household things. When I arrived in the U.S I had never scrubbed a toilet, washed clothes, and made my bed. I came from a country where many families have maids. Needless to say, a life in middle class America was quite different. Everyone shares responsibilities and chores. Saturday was chores day. Thus said, don’t even try to think about skipping! I am very grateful for her as I consider myself in middle class America right now. She taught me how to run a household in America. She is quite a mother! She is so proud of her family and that shows all over her home and all over her life!
Sixth, Helen, who took me in like her own daughter for the 2 years I was in college in Iowa. From her I learnt to love unconditionally. I have NEVER seen her angry, mad, or say bad things about other people. If I complained about something or someone, she always had an explanation on how we should try to understand that person or the situation. She was a VERY LOVING mom. She would do anything for her kids. Her family did not have riches if you count money as riches. Yet, their sons never grew up wondering about what they do not have. Their home was a rich home by any means! They generously took in 2 international students (my roommate and I). She taught me how to shop at goodwill and how to find good deal. She taught me that yes, we can still serve as God will provide. She taught me to love unconditionally, one thing that I will always feel short of. She is enjoying her Father loving arms now in heaven… She was instrumental in helping me see the true grace and love of Christ! Oh how I wish she is still here…
Last Beth! A missionary wife whose husband was my New Testament professor in the Philippines. I used to called her “ate” which means “big sister” in the Philippines because she is not too much older. But now my kids called her “grandma Beth” and I called her “my Southern Momma” She taught me about FUN! Having fun with the kids…be friends with them yet be strict with them. I watched their kids grow up since they were 8, 6 and newborn. They turned out to be such awesome kids who love the Lord! Their home always filled with love, fun and LAUGHTER! There is never a dull moment in their house, someone always teases someone always laugh and someone always love…
Parenting is not easy! I am in a process of learning to be a good mother. Obviously, God thought so to and gave me all these wonderful women to learn from. For that I will forever grateful and blessed. I think the most important thing is to balance between academic and having fun, loving and spanking/strict parenting, discipline and negotiating/accommodating, while loving unconditionally and serving lovingly. Balance will keep you on the right track. We will still make mistake, but that is what grace is all about.
To all the ladies mentioned, THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart all the precious priceless lesson you’ve taught me.
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